Finding the Balance

Yes, this year was an emotional year.  But along with the lowest of lows, I also got to experience the highest of highs as well.

I am in the unique position of having dual roles.  I get to spend the majoritiy of my day with young children, but I also get to teach a theatre class to our oldest students.  Oh my goodness!  It is truly a rewarding experience!

But it is also very time consuming.  So much time is devoted to maximizing the experience for my theatre students.  Scripts, lighting, sound, costumes, props, scenery--it all takes time.  Somehow, I managed to pull off four one act plays and one musical with my theatre kids.  All of this while teaching kindergarten. 

So while riding the emotional roller coaster that was our school year, I completely wore myself out.  As soon as school was out, my body just shut down.  It had had enough with long days with little sleep.  My body had decided it was time to take over.  Multiple naps became the norm for me.  No matter how many naps I had during the day, I was still ready to go to bed at night.  It was crazy!  I'm down to a single nap a day now and trying to cut that down even further.  I have a feeling that's going to take some time.

But I'm left with a bigger question.  How do you find a balance?  I've looked at things and realized I can't give anything up.  The things I pour myself into are the things I love the most.  I can't scale back my efforts.  I don't know how to give less than 100% to anything. 

I also realize that my body's reaction (and it's more than the sleep issue) is a wake up call of sorts.  I know I spend too much time thinking, creating, and problem solving.  I know I need to find that all important downtime.  But how do you do that?  How do you make yourself and your personal needs a priority when you know so many are depending on you?  How do you shut off that subconscious mind that overpowers your efforts to rest and relax to the point that it wake you up at two in the morning?

The search is on for answers to these questions, but I'm not sure the answers exist for me.  Somewhere along the line, I've become hardwired to be the person I am.  I've been trying to solve problems and take care of others since I was 12.  I'm good at it.  People, including myself, expect it from me.  Frankly, I don't know any other way to be.

I was told by someone in authority that I needed to stop solving everyone's problems.  The people around me are college educated people.  It isn't my job to fix things or run interference.  I need to let them solve their problems without me.

Two minutes later, I was asked to problem solve for something beyond my responsibilities.  And later, I was asked to run interference between people.  See my dilemma???

I realize the beginning of this post doesn't necessarily match the ending.  But maybe it doesn't have to. So much of this year and the current path I'm on is a series of conflicting events and emotions.  That's the irony of life.  Do what you love, but don't do it too much.  Give your all, but have time for yourself.  Be yourself, but consider how you can change/improve yourself.  This is what you are doing wrong, but please continue to do it when it benefits others.

Is it any wonder that I'm utterly confused..........